I love superheroes movies.
If you’d ask me to choose a favorite, it would be impossible. But if you’d ask me what type of superpower I would want to have, there wouldn’t be a doubt in my mind: time travel!
I never quite got the hang of living in the now.
I always wanted to “carpe” so many “diems” of the past. (My high school Latin teacher would kill me if she’d hear this, but since I basically belong with the Avengers, I’m willing to take the risk).
I think of the past as an old library. With shelves that go higher than our reach. With dusty old corners full of dark and dangerous pieces of our personal history. With an antique filing system that perfectly keeps every memory in place and helps us get to that one moment we need in order to find the right answers.
Oh, how I’d want to wander in my own library.
I’d pick a bunch of moments to return to, again and again. I’d open them carefully, like a precious book and take the time to smell the pages saturated with stories. I’d give anything to live some of those days again. Just as they were. And just like I do whenever I stumble upon a passage I love, when I would get to my favourite parts of my past, I’d repeat them over and over.
If I could go back in time, I’d revisit all my firsts. First day of school. First boy-girl party. First disastrous kiss and first breathtaking one. Every birthday. Every school play. First time I travelled alone. First summer holiday with my friends. The first “I love you” I heard. The first “I love you” I felt.
As you can imagine, I also have a humongous pile of memories I’d change drastically, with a red pen and an angry face.
I’d undo all the sorrow I’d cause. I’d force myself to be brave, honest or kind in so many moments. To say those impossible words. Or take them back. I’d urge myself to listen to my gut for a change and don’t rush in. To trust myself more and some people less. To do the right thing and to take more chances.
This particular pile tastes like regret, tears and excuses. But I’d face it all again if I had the chance to do it differently.
Life doesn’t work this way.
But writing does.
That’s why I love it.
You can write something today and come back to it a thousand times. It’s there, precisely how you left it. It keeps your truth intact. It guards your feelings. You can rewrite it anytime, change any part of it and make it better. You can pick any detail, word, emotion or fear and return to it time and time again.
And that is pure wizardry.
And the closest I’ll ever come to a superpower. But I’ll take it, anytime!
Hope you find yours or at least, enjoy the search. There’s magic in that too.